Notes on A Separate Peace Relationship Essays

Regarding the recent essay submissions about relationship in A Separate Peace, We spent a fair amount of class time dealing with some composition specific issues. Nevertheless, here are some general notes to consider for revision.

Topic Development

Essentially this is a compare and contrast essay, with a deeper focus on one of two characters, Gene or Finny. That means the bulk of the analysis is concerned with one character and is supplemented with the contrasting perspective from the other. Some of you missed this conceptually.
A good pre-writing strategy would have been a Venn Diagram, but an imbalanced one like this if your focus was Gene:

 

 

There need not be equal attention paid to both characters. Those of you that tried to balance the two evenly created confusion with a lot of back and forth references between both boys. When this happens your essay reads like a tennis match, one in which it gets difficult to determine which player is serving.

All of these are issues of development, but even more – clarity. It is vital that through your thesis and essay it is clear which of the boys your focus character is. Their unique perspective on the relationship should be the majority of the essay body, while the contrasting character’s perspective is a minor part. It also becomes necessary for you to be very careful with use of indefinite pronouns. Otherwise, it becomes difficult to discern which “he” is which, Gene or Finny.

Thesis statements, overall, are actually improving and now headed in the right direction. However, most of you still have a lot of room for improvement. The thing you should ask yourself is “Does my thesis directly and specifically answer the essay question?” If it doesn’t then you need to keep refining it. For this essay it needs to be clear which character is the focus and what makes their unique perspective different from the other, for example:

Gene Focus

As an outsider from the start, Gene initially sees Finny only as undermining competition, a threat to his academic and social success at Devon, while Finny shows blind naivety his “best pal.”

Finny Focus

While Gene’s silent animosity grows, Finny immediately warms to his new roommate, showing him the trust and loyalty reserved for only the best of friends, innocently and sincerely.

In both of these examples, the statements address the prompt question specifically. Each has a point about the focus character’s perspective that suggests how or why they see the relationship the way they do. You could even use the sentence starter exercise we did in class:

Gene/Finny (pick one) sees his relationship with Gene/Finny (the opposite of the first choice) as…, while Gene/Finny (first choice)…

Gene sees his relationship with Finny as a fierce competition, rooted in envy, with an intense focus on being even not necessarily winning, while Finny thinks Gene is his best friend.

Once the thesis is clear and solid, it should reflect the organization of the essay’s body. So the order of elements in the thesis should correspond with the paragraphs of the body. Also, always make sure that the paragraphs are organized in a good-better-best fashion. So the best body paragraph, with the strongest commentary and analysis is the last paragraph, leading right into the conclusion which consolidates the overall point you were trying to make.

Another issue under development has to do with handling the two major components of evidence and commentary and analysis. You must remember that the body paragraphs of any essay are really about ideas and not your selected quotations. Many have internalized one of the key ideas I have been advancing, which is pushing your evidence early in the paragraph to force the development of more commentary and analysis to explain. However, somewhere along the line, many have also decided that the body is simply about stringing together and explaining a bunch of quotes. Not true. You have to establish the idea of the paragraph before introducing your evidence.

Also on the evidence front, Many are still not setting up the quotes that they have chosen. Remember, you do not want to simply drop quotes into the paragraph. They always a to be set-up with some kind of commentary, at the very least. For example:

Gene’s trek across the Devon campus had one destination, “The tree was tremendous, an irate, steely black steeple beside the river” (6). He is on a pilgrimmage to that cold, dark church in the fog in hopes of finding some kind of redemption, so many years later.

Notice that there is no use of “This quote…” in the analysis that follows the quotation. Also, notice that the period goes to the left of the citation parenthesis, with no lower punctuation at the end of the quotation itself. Many of you are still making technical errors in this regard. Although this last bit is more of a conventions issue.

Conventions

Continuing on the handling evidence, specifically from the conventions side, is causing some confusion. Apart from setting-up quotations, there is the misunderstanding of the technical handling of quotes.

If a quote runs over three lines in a paragraph, you need to block quote it. Also, if you are going to use an exchange of dialog where there are multiple paragraphs in the text you are quoting, you use a block quote. Beyond that, block quotes do not need the same set-up that a regular one does. Moreover, if you use a similar technique it is only then when you use a colon. Otherwise, simply introduce the quote with a sentence and then the block quote, and you do not need quotation marks. It should be emphasized that you really should be trying to capture only the essence of what you need from the quote and keep them as short as possible. Nevertheless, here is an example of a quotation that warrants a block quote.

As Gene makes his way accross the Devon grounds, it was imparative that he find the place where all the guilt began, the tree.

This was the tree, and it seemed to me standing there to resemble those men, the giants of your childhood, whom you encounter years later and find that they are not merely smaller in relation to your growth, but that they are…shrunken by age….[for] the old giants have become pigmies while you were looking the other way. (6)

Arriving in the fog of the late fall afternoon, his reflection begins the flashback that he must relive in order to make his own “separate peace” fifteen years later…

Notice the that the quotation is indented from the rest of the paragraph. Also notice how the evidence is flanked by commentary and analysis and they are within the same paragraph. Also notice that the period this time is before the citation. These are simple details that you need to remember when composing.

On a larger scale, the single biggest conventions issue right now, in nearly every paper, is comma usage. This will need to be reviewed in class. Yet, please recognize that you do not need to use a comma every time you use the word “and.”

Lastly, some of the established cardinal sins are being committed, and it is now costing a lot of you in the grade department. Here are the three absolutes that you must internalize:

1. Write about literature in present tense
2. Maintain the 3rd person for all formal, academic writing
3. Avoid contractions and other informal espressions in all formal, academic writing

There is almost no way that you can hope to get an “A” on an essay if you are still making the above three errors. Moreover, the penalty for doing so is getting more costly as the year progresses.

CP: Notes on The Lovely Bones Essays

Generally, there has been progress by most of you towards developing more blue (commentary and analysis) in your essays, which is good. You are headed in the right direction, but still need greater specificity and detail in your commentary and analysis. This means cultivating quality ideas and thoughts about the literature and relying less on plot points. One secret is to refocus your attention more on elements like character and theme and figure out how to relate them to the prompt. Sometimes it is easier than others, but often in English class fictional elements like character and theme are at the core of the prompt. This was definitely the case with the prompt on The Lovely Bones.

Additionally, everyone needs to deepen their use of the framework of green and blue, including the ratios. One of the key adjustments many need to make is moving your evidence earlier in the body paragraph. Doing so forces you to develop more commentary and analysis, as you need to explain your evidence and then connect it back to your central, overall idea for the paragraph. See the model below, using gibberish language:

Avoid this structure:

Nulla lectus massa, vulputate sit amet, rhoncus at, ultricies in, nunc. Vestibulum pretium mattis purus suspendisse vehicula nisi in lacus. Etiam sit amet augue aliquam congue mauris a orci. Donec in massa. Cras sem pede, elementum id, ultricies ac, laoreet varius, eros. Sed euismod, tellus et dictum aliquet, est justo rhoncus lorem, id congue mauris arcu id magna. Pellentesque in quam a eros bibendum commodo. Morbi sed lacus. Curabitur ut quam. Mauris porta venenatis mauris. Morbi tincidunt, “Quisque consequat morbi id augue fusce felis justo, aliquam ut, iaculis et, vehicula eget, ligula” (35). Nunc massa dui, interdum ac, egestas quis, pretium non, magna. Nam viverra scelerisque lorem.

Instead use a structure more like this:

Ut congue diam sagittis augue. Cras malesuada risus at pede. Sed justo justo, lobortis non, convallis in, cursus vitae, ligula. Proin commodo, “In nibh purus, adipiscing sed, tempor et, pulvinar in, lacus” (23). Vestibulum odio nibh, posuere in, pulvinar nec, varius nec, ante. Nulla eget diam id mauris sagittis auctor. In tempor nisi a tellus pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Mauris libero nibh, laoreet a, rutrum eget, laoreet nec, libero sed at erat. Phasellus at ante id leo tristique tincidunt. Suspendisse pellentesque varius purus. Vestibulum rutrum, neque vel dictum fermentum, nisl est luctus augue, a porta ligula purus in nunc.

In both examples, notice the citation. One you need it. What’s more look closely at the formatting. The page number is between the parenthesis, which is located outside the quotation marks. That’s it! No abbreviations or other extraneous characters. Also, the final punctuation mark from the quotation is removed and newly placed outside the parenthetical citation. This is a simple formatting adjustment that everyone needs to make. Here is another example to clarify:

This is what you are doing:

• Proin commodo, “In nibh purus, adipiscing sed, tempor et, pulvinar in, lacus.” (pg. 23)

Change it like so:

• Proin commodo, “In nibh purus, adipiscing sed, tempor et, pulvinar in, lacus.” (pg. 23).

So it finally looks like this:

• Proin commodo, “In nibh purus, adipiscing sed, tempor et, pulvinar in, lacus” (23).

The reasoning is this; by putting the final punctuation mark outside the citation clearly indicates to which sentence(s) the citation is associated, enclosing all the contents within the last complete sentence.

Lastly on quotes, keep them as short as possible. You job is to capture the essence of the evidence that is necessary to make your point and support your ideas. Unnecessarily long quotes tend to disrupt the rhythm and flow of your essay Moreover, it looks as though you are engaged in a weak attempt to make your essay seem longer.

Other general points include:

• Use 3rd person when writing academic papers, unless otherwise instructed
• Use present tense when writing about literature
• Stop using contractions in formal papers
• Clarify a thesis statement with a single point
• Setup your quotes with some kind of lead – no dropped quotes
• Push for depth and detail in your commentary and analysis
• Be specific and avoid generalized, empty commentary
• Proofread your work
• Use MLA format for all papers (Link: a simple guide with examples, explanations, and images form Purdue University’s Online Writing Laboratory)

These are all areas that need to be addressed as you revise your work for inclusion in the portfolio. The first three bold points are absolutes. You must ensure that you abide those three. They have nothing to do with thinking and everything to do with care and attention. Also, make sure that as you revise you clearly exceed 600 words with each piece.

CP: Notes on the Short Story Essays

With the short story essays finally finished and returned there were a number of issues that were present in all classes. They are things that need to be addressed for you to progress and be successful in future compositions. Many of these items were mentioned before you wrote this essay, which begs the question why you did not address them. Some are adjustments that you now need to take into consideration when writing any formal essays for any class. Here is the list:

 

Conventions

• You must retain the 3^rd person in formal essays – no 1^st or 2^nd person should be included

• Avoid contractions in formal essays – they are inappropriate and are often unclear

• Review comma use

• Be attentive to proofreading

• Quote punctuation – lower punctuation goes inside upper punctuation 95+% of the time

Topic Development

• Use the framework as a guide for the development of your body paragraphs

• You must setup quotes and evidence – no dropped quotes

• Avoid repetition and push for greater depth and detail in commentary and analysis

• Be specific in both your selection of evidence and commentary and analysis

• Avoid empty phrasing – phrases that don’t really say anything of value