CP: Notes on The Lovely Bones Essays

Generally, there has been progress by most of you towards developing more blue (commentary and analysis) in your essays, which is good. You are headed in the right direction, but still need greater specificity and detail in your commentary and analysis. This means cultivating quality ideas and thoughts about the literature and relying less on plot points. One secret is to refocus your attention more on elements like character and theme and figure out how to relate them to the prompt. Sometimes it is easier than others, but often in English class fictional elements like character and theme are at the core of the prompt. This was definitely the case with the prompt on The Lovely Bones.

Additionally, everyone needs to deepen their use of the framework of green and blue, including the ratios. One of the key adjustments many need to make is moving your evidence earlier in the body paragraph. Doing so forces you to develop more commentary and analysis, as you need to explain your evidence and then connect it back to your central, overall idea for the paragraph. See the model below, using gibberish language:

Avoid this structure:

Nulla lectus massa, vulputate sit amet, rhoncus at, ultricies in, nunc. Vestibulum pretium mattis purus suspendisse vehicula nisi in lacus. Etiam sit amet augue aliquam congue mauris a orci. Donec in massa. Cras sem pede, elementum id, ultricies ac, laoreet varius, eros. Sed euismod, tellus et dictum aliquet, est justo rhoncus lorem, id congue mauris arcu id magna. Pellentesque in quam a eros bibendum commodo. Morbi sed lacus. Curabitur ut quam. Mauris porta venenatis mauris. Morbi tincidunt, “Quisque consequat morbi id augue fusce felis justo, aliquam ut, iaculis et, vehicula eget, ligula” (35). Nunc massa dui, interdum ac, egestas quis, pretium non, magna. Nam viverra scelerisque lorem.

Instead use a structure more like this:

Ut congue diam sagittis augue. Cras malesuada risus at pede. Sed justo justo, lobortis non, convallis in, cursus vitae, ligula. Proin commodo, “In nibh purus, adipiscing sed, tempor et, pulvinar in, lacus” (23). Vestibulum odio nibh, posuere in, pulvinar nec, varius nec, ante. Nulla eget diam id mauris sagittis auctor. In tempor nisi a tellus pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Mauris libero nibh, laoreet a, rutrum eget, laoreet nec, libero sed at erat. Phasellus at ante id leo tristique tincidunt. Suspendisse pellentesque varius purus. Vestibulum rutrum, neque vel dictum fermentum, nisl est luctus augue, a porta ligula purus in nunc.

In both examples, notice the citation. One you need it. What’s more look closely at the formatting. The page number is between the parenthesis, which is located outside the quotation marks. That’s it! No abbreviations or other extraneous characters. Also, the final punctuation mark from the quotation is removed and newly placed outside the parenthetical citation. This is a simple formatting adjustment that everyone needs to make. Here is another example to clarify:

This is what you are doing:

• Proin commodo, “In nibh purus, adipiscing sed, tempor et, pulvinar in, lacus.” (pg. 23)

Change it like so:

• Proin commodo, “In nibh purus, adipiscing sed, tempor et, pulvinar in, lacus.” (pg. 23).

So it finally looks like this:

• Proin commodo, “In nibh purus, adipiscing sed, tempor et, pulvinar in, lacus” (23).

The reasoning is this; by putting the final punctuation mark outside the citation clearly indicates to which sentence(s) the citation is associated, enclosing all the contents within the last complete sentence.

Lastly on quotes, keep them as short as possible. You job is to capture the essence of the evidence that is necessary to make your point and support your ideas. Unnecessarily long quotes tend to disrupt the rhythm and flow of your essay Moreover, it looks as though you are engaged in a weak attempt to make your essay seem longer.

Other general points include:

• Use 3rd person when writing academic papers, unless otherwise instructed
• Use present tense when writing about literature
• Stop using contractions in formal papers
• Clarify a thesis statement with a single point
• Setup your quotes with some kind of lead – no dropped quotes
• Push for depth and detail in your commentary and analysis
• Be specific and avoid generalized, empty commentary
• Proofread your work
• Use MLA format for all papers (Link: a simple guide with examples, explanations, and images form Purdue University’s Online Writing Laboratory)

These are all areas that need to be addressed as you revise your work for inclusion in the portfolio. The first three bold points are absolutes. You must ensure that you abide those three. They have nothing to do with thinking and everything to do with care and attention. Also, make sure that as you revise you clearly exceed 600 words with each piece.

CP: The Bean Trees Exam

The exam for The Bean Trees will be Wednesday, November 28. This gives each class one day for review in preparation.

Other Deadlines:

• Period 4 – The Lovely Bones essay is due Friday, November 30
• Period 6 – The Lovely Bones essay is due Tuesday, November 27

CP: Period 6 – Context

Remember the context reports are due next class, Monday, November 19. Please email me a copy of the report with your name and period 6 in the subject line, for example John Doe - Period 6.

Additionally, you need to have your questions from the study guide finished for the chapter that you were assigned.